For the Hardcore Readers...

...I've decided to create a new blog. Don't get too excited just yet, as I can't guarantee I'll update it regularly. Here's the URL:

http://dunc1981.blogspot.com

Just click on it to open up a whole new world of fun!

And Now, The End Is Near...

Seeing as it's the end of another year, it's time to conclude this blog. "Why?" you might ask, and my answer is that I'm just not satisfied anymore. What once were huge sacks of fanmail have now been reduced to the occasional bank statement or junk mail from a credit card company. My hit counter's not ticking over as much as I'd like, and I get the feeling the general public have simply lost interest in my self-indulgent rants. Actually, the real truth is that now the year's almost out, it makes sense to move on, and so there are plans in the pipeline for a new look blog, sometime in the new year. If this goes ahead, the new blog will be far less self-analytical and will take a more philosophical approach, i.e. will contain more reviews, social commentary etc. If I continued in the same self-analytical vein, it could get very dull indeed (I mean, you don't really want to hear about work, shopping in Somerfield etc, do you?).

Anyway, to conclude 2005 I'll mention some current affairs. Work's been fine. In fact, I'd probably be enjoying it (to an extent) if it wasn't for the travel. It's not the train journey or the walking I mind; it's the fact that I need to do a lot of both every single day to get to and from work, and it's draining. If all goes to plan, I shouldn't have to do that much travelling for much longer. I'm doing a lot more development work now, as well as working on the website. In general it's quite satisfying. The only potential snag is that because it's a small company I'll eventually be expected to do extra work etc, to meet deadlines. Once I move closer to East Kilbride it won't bother me so much. Anyway, for a graduate it's potential golddust in terms of experience.

As part of my spiritual education, Diane took me on a tour of the colossal labyrinthe that is E.K. Shopping Centre. Not only have I been culturally enhanced, but I feel like a much better person, as if my spiritual being itself has been improved, from that experience alone. I went to Gregg's and the bank, and I felt as if I'd finally found myself!

As far as my flat is concerned, I'm thinking I'll need to move out soon, as doing that commute every day is simply not sustainable. I'll perhaps move to the south side or something, but my plan is to wait until the end of January before looking elsewhere. The reasons for waiting? Well, we've got a new flatmate moving in on January 1st, and so I'd like to see what she's like. Also, the lounge has been moved, giving the flat a "fresh" feel. Finally, before I move out I'd like to watch all the DVDs/videos which I've still to see, from the flat's library. I may never get another chance to see the Godfather trilogy, Platoon, or In Bed With Madonna.

Now for something more interesting... I'd mentioned previously wild mood swings which seemed to be brought on by constant shifting of my body clock. Well, out of curiosity, I decided to record how I felt each day for 20 days. Each day I'd score my general wellbeing out of 10 (with 5 being a feeling of indifference or mediocrity; neither depressed nor feeling particularly inspired. 10 being utter bliss; contented with the world and life in general; a feeling of empathy with every living creature - everyone loves you and you love everyone; a feeling that the world is your oyster and that nothing can take that feeling away; a feeling like you are almost - well, God. 0, on the other hand, I'd probably rather not describe in detail. It's the utter pit of despair, like you don't want to live anymore and are suicidal; the world is a dark, grey place and noone cares about you). Anyway with that in mind, here is the "wellbeing" graph I charted over a 20-day period (the first day being when I started full-time work again, and my sleep pattern had been all over the place):



What's interesting is that initially, my mood changed dramatically from day to day (which was downright scary, by the way). There would be a day of feeling really good; happy and positive (7, for the sake of argument), followed by a day of feeling really down and worthless (2). As the graph shows, my mood gradually stabilised, and lately it's been more consistent. Now this could be for a number of reasons. My body's maybe adjusting to a more regular rhythm, or perhaps I'm more content about having a job and feeling more settled in. Or perhaps I look at myself and think I'm a sad geek for doing things like this? Who knows for sure, but I'm not going to dwell on it. Anyway, maybe it means nothing but I thought it might be cool to do something like this regardless.

In summary, the whole point of this exercise was to record what happened to me during the uncertain times after graduating last year. Nearly 1.5 years later and I feel I've almost found some form of stability and direction in my life and so there's no real need for this blog anymore.

Well that's it for now - best to end this year - and start the new year - on a positive note. Cheery-bye.

p.s. Someone has (almost) copied my blog URL, and after checking it out, you might be better off reading funkyfunky.blogspot.com than this. Those guys seem a bit more "funky".

Seasons Greetings

Ahh, good to be off work again. I'm off until Wednesday, then have the Monday and Tuesday after New Year off. It's not that I hate the job, it's just that all that commuting has drained me a bit. Commuting 3 hours daily not only eats into my leisure time, but also makes me feel tired when I do have the time to do other stuff. Despite saying that, the train journey is much better, and more relaxing than the bus. And yes, taking the train does take just as long as the bus journey; although it's only 30 mins, the walking I have to do at each end takes overall journey time one way to 1 hr 30 mins. I don't mind the walking so much, as it forces me to get some much-needed exercise.

In the long term, I simply can't keep doing that amount of travel. I reckon by the end of January I should know for sure if the job's right for me and if I'm right for the job. If I am, then I'm definitely going to move closer to East Kilbride. It would be a bit disappointing having to move so suddenly again, as the current flat has so many virtues. However, I'll have to put my job first (I wouldn't have a flat otherwise). If I'm to be staying at Mosaic in the long-term, I'll probably start looking for a new flat in the beginning of February. With the arrival of the additional flatmate in the new year, I'd predicted that it might get a bit claustrophobic, especially when it comes to fridge/freezer space etc. However, the landlord has introduced an additional fridge/freezer to the kitchen, so instead of there being too little storage space, there may be too much. Despite this, I might eventually find that it's too crowded and that would make my decision to move out much easier.

I'm generally optimistic about the job. There's been good days and bad days so far, but I think those have been caused mainly by the stress of travelling, and also that I'm still in the learning process. I've sometimes found it a bit daunting what with all the stuff I need to learn, but gradually I'm finding it easier. I reckon once I start being really productive, it'll become much more enjoyable. I get on well with the people I work with, and have a lot of free reign over what I work on, so there are many good aspects.

To be honest, I'm not sure whether IT is the career for me, but when I consider what I'm good at, i.e. creativity, problem-solving, analysing, visuals, organising things etc, these match up pretty well to what's required in such a career. My biggest satisfaction is getting something to work, from which I get a bit of a buzz. I'm not really sure what else I could be working as, and there are proabably not that many jobs where you can be constantly learning new things and where there is no limit to the complexity which can be achieved. Also, there's no point in wasting a good degree, and there is also the career prospects, and, last but not least, the money! I should know exactly where I stand in a months' time.

Anyway, for Xmas tomorrow, I'm going to my uncles place for a family do, which should be good. Merry Xmas!

Flatmates++

I've recently found out that the landlord is taking on another tenant. His office is (or was) in one of the large front rooms in the flat, but now he's moving it elsewhere. That room will now become the lounge, and the current lounge an extra bedroom. A girl will be moving in, sometime in the new year. It should be good to have some variety, as opposed to all guys in the flat. The only problem is that there will now be 5 in the flat (including me). Although the girl will get the en suite, I'll still have to share a bathroom with 3 others (and a kitchen with 4 others). This situation is potentially claustrophobic, but I think having a large lounge and cleaner come in on a weekly basis will keep it bearable. If it wasn't for these factors, I'd probably be moving out pronto.

Time will tell if it's a good thing or not.

Back On Track?!

Seeing as it's the weekend I'll treat you to a recap on the prevailing week. It's been a long week, and quite stressful. Although I haven't yet been stuck into the development work at Mosaic, I've had to adjust to the early mornings and long commute. The first couple of days were very tough when it came to getting out of bed, but gradually I got used to it. On Sunday night I had no sleep, but the rest of the week, I got 6-8 hours per night, which was fine. However, what's been quite concerning is just how much my mood has been fluctuating. I don't mean mood swings during the day, but I mean from one extreme to the other on alternating days. To take an example, I felt fantastic on Thursday; so positive about the job, and everything else. Yesterday, I felt drained and couldn't really think straight. I was quite depressed. The differences in how I felt in the space of a day were just plain ridiculous. It was like the symptoms of bipolar disorder. However, not one to moan about such things, I've been through all this stuff before (a few times), and I'm sure it's simply down to the body having to readjust to a new routine, and hence not knowing whether it's coming or going half the time. On bad days, I've been thinking: "I can't do this... sitting in front of a screen all day, in an office, typing symbols on a keyboard... I'm such a geek... uuugghh... I can't concentrate at all...". On good days it's been like: "I'm in a good job, where I've developing systems which are useful in people's lives. I'm getting paid well, I do regular hours and get to use my creative side, problem-solving ability, and analysing ability. There are great career prospects. I've got free reign over what I work on, and I'm not in a call centre". That was just to demonstrate how my perception has changed from day to day. I prefer the second one! I know everyone has good days and bad days, but mine have been extreme to the point of being scary. However, I know that once I'm adjusted to the routine, my body and mind will stabilise and reach a state of equilibrium.

As far as the work goes, I've been assigned a few small projects to get me started and to break me in gently. In the meantime I've been reading up on C#, CSS etc and it's amazing how quickly all that wonderful knowledge gained at uni can come flooding back.

A major issue, of course, has been the travel. I'm sick already of the commute to East Kilbride. What bothers me most is that when travelling on the bus, I haven't found it relaxing (largely due to how busy and noisy it can be). I get fed up stopping at traffic lights all the time and just can't wait to get home. By the time I do, I don't have a lot of time to do much else. Also, the scenery is appalling (unless you like endless urban dereliction, roundabouts and traffic lights), and it must be one of the ugliest routes in the world (that is, of course, once you're out of East Kilbride). I've decided to start travelling by rail as of next week. This will probably cut down the commuting time and with a Zone Card will be reasonably cheap. The fact that there'd be a bit of walking involved means that not only will I get some exercise, but also I can go at my own pace, as opposed to waiting for a bus to go through some traffic lights. In the longer term, I'll probably move again, perhaps to the city centre or to another penthouse in the south side.

It's been tough. Not least because having constant access to a high-speed internet connection has made me vulnerable to the allure of Blast Billiards and this. Ooh la la. However, from now on, I'll have to avoid these temptations and actually (a la Craig G. Renton) start doing some work.

Journey to the Far East

The "Far East" in question is East Kilbride (actually it's more like South-South-East), where I'm currently working. The new job seems good so far - it makes a change not to be sitting with a headset on all day, asking for customers dates of birth, mothers maiden name etc, and subsequently having to listen to complaint after complaint, in a fast-paced call-centre environment. I'm afraid I'll have to limit what I say about the job, as my colleagues "stumbled upon" this blog a few days ago, from an incident involving Google and my name. I don't want to say anything here I'll end up regretting in future.

Anyway, what I can say is that it's different from what I'm used to. With real software systems, there are real deadlines, which inevitably means putting in extra hours to get it finished, especially if there's only a few developers working on it. I don't mind putting in the extra hour here and there as I'm just fortunate to have a decent job opportunity (but then, I would say that). As yet, I haven't started any development work; instead, I've been reading up on C#, ASP and SQL Server (but then I would say that!). I was also assigned to correct spelling /grammar on the website, and during the process, unearthed some true horrors of web design - I'm not a qualified web designer but even brief experience has told me you need a bit of structure and clarity :). The boss suggested I either incrementally improve it, or redesign it from scratch, so I can set some time aside for that. I've been present in a few project meetings, but as I'm not yet up to speed, it may as well be in Arabic for all I understand.

Fortunately in SETP (Scottish Enterprise Technology Park), there is a canteen/coffee shop, so there's no need to venture into EK town centre for lunch (as much as I'd like to) - it's called The Hub, which any ex-ESE student reading this will recall was also the name of the canteen place in Glasgow Uni, where we used to congregate. Small world indeed.

Yesterday (my first day), I went in after having had no sleep whatsoever. Due to my reverse sleep pattern, I went to bed at 11pm Sunday night but was wide awake all night. It was really unpleasant, as throughout the day, I was shattered but couldn't miss my first day of work. I really don't recommend all-nighters, especially if you've a shift the next day! Mind you, I've done a couple of 12-hour shifts in Goldfish after having had 30 mins sleep, but that was different because my body was accustomed to the daily routine. Last night, I got a good solid 8 hours, and as a result I feel fine. I'm predicting I'll gradually feel better as I make the transition from the "unemployment zone" to the land of 9-5(++), and hopefully the days of dodgy sleep patterns are behind me - Oh oh, but I said that this time last year :O

The only downside to this job is the long commute: by bus from the west end, the entire commute (including walking) takes 1 hr 30 mins. That's 3 hours per day, just commuting :( I reckon if I take the train, I could cut this commute down to 1 hr 10 mins in total. That would save 40 mins per day, time which could be spent going swimming, or jogging or something equally productive. Or, of course, it could be 40 mins more in bed! I don't think I could get the commute any shorter than that, unless I get a car or learn to fly. I'm hoping to get my own transport within the next year, otherwise who knows? For now, I can handle the commute. I'd probably prefer the train anyway, as the bus (well, certainly the 18) is busy and full of loud teenagers, going to/from school, as well as mature, chilled-out commuters like me. Maybe I should just appreciate how priveliged I am to be able to spend so much time in the beautiful, cosmopolitan East Kilbride, the most vibrant town in... well, East Kilbride!

I could always move to East Kilbride itself, but I think that would be too much of a culture shock.

A Creature of Habit

I'm still nocturnal at the moment - didn't get to bed until about 5am and up until 1.40pm. Again, I've been doing very little. I've fixed my curtain (one of the "things" came undone - don't know what they're called), and I've gone to the O2 shop to enquire about my GPRS setting for my phone. Another thing I did was go by the Stevenson Building (Glasgow Uni), to enquire about graduate gym memberships. It turns out that it's £330 annual (or £27.50 monthly) for a full access membership. I'm not sure if I want a membership though as I'd mainly just be using it for the pool, and perhaps the treadmills/cross-trainers. I'm not sure if I'd want to use all the facilities. I'll wait and see how I feel about it in a couple of weeks.

It's interesting to note that no matter how little I have to do, I seem to make tasks for myself, no matter how minor or petty. This is probably part of human nature; the need to be occupied/busy. How many times have you heard people say things like: "there's always something needing done", "a mans work is never done" and "there's not enough hours in the day"? I think it's because we make work for ourselves, whatever situation we're in. Some people like to be constantly challenged. Personally I'm only ever content if I have a goal of some kind, no matter how small. I probably should've worked the rest of this week, as I wouldn't be so bored!

The main thing for me is to get settled into the new job and that means getting a good sleep on Sunday night and up early Monday morning. I'll need to learn C# as well, which I suppose I should be doing now but I'll wait until I go in on Monday and see if they've got any books on it I can borrow. My aims at the moment are to stay in the flat and the job for at least a year, to get settled in. Hopefully I can put all this randomness behind me and start to lead a more "normal" life. Having such a random routine is very detrimental, and I often find myself feeling moody, irritable or depressed for no apparent reason. Lack of motivation is a factor too! Even when I was doing the training at O2 over the past couple of weeks I found myself feeling a hell of a lot better! It helps to have some social contact as well, as opposed to being isolated for days on end. Anyway this kind of rant and a lot of the entries in this blog are products of my randomised mental state. Enjoy it while you still can!

I'm going down to Prestwick tonight, for a change of scene, and while I'm in the bus station I can pick up some timetables for buses to East Kilbride. There are a couple which go from/to the west end to/from E.K: the 18, 20 and the 66. I'm glad I've got plenty choice, but even then they all take about 1 hr 20 mins one way. Hence I'll probably have to spend about 3 hrs per day commuting, but I don't mind for now as the main thing's the job. I can always sleep/read/listen to music on the bus anyway, so it's not a major problem. I considered getting the train, which takes 30 mins from Central, but add time taken travelling by subway and walking also, and it would take about the same time overall as the bus. The bus(es) apparently stop very near where I'll be working so it's much more convenient.

Sorry if this is boring you but these are my thoughts at the moment and you are choosing to read them.