And Now, The End Is Near...

Seeing as it's the end of another year, it's time to conclude this blog. "Why?" you might ask, and my answer is that I'm just not satisfied anymore. What once were huge sacks of fanmail have now been reduced to the occasional bank statement or junk mail from a credit card company. My hit counter's not ticking over as much as I'd like, and I get the feeling the general public have simply lost interest in my self-indulgent rants. Actually, the real truth is that now the year's almost out, it makes sense to move on, and so there are plans in the pipeline for a new look blog, sometime in the new year. If this goes ahead, the new blog will be far less self-analytical and will take a more philosophical approach, i.e. will contain more reviews, social commentary etc. If I continued in the same self-analytical vein, it could get very dull indeed (I mean, you don't really want to hear about work, shopping in Somerfield etc, do you?).

Anyway, to conclude 2005 I'll mention some current affairs. Work's been fine. In fact, I'd probably be enjoying it (to an extent) if it wasn't for the travel. It's not the train journey or the walking I mind; it's the fact that I need to do a lot of both every single day to get to and from work, and it's draining. If all goes to plan, I shouldn't have to do that much travelling for much longer. I'm doing a lot more development work now, as well as working on the website. In general it's quite satisfying. The only potential snag is that because it's a small company I'll eventually be expected to do extra work etc, to meet deadlines. Once I move closer to East Kilbride it won't bother me so much. Anyway, for a graduate it's potential golddust in terms of experience.

As part of my spiritual education, Diane took me on a tour of the colossal labyrinthe that is E.K. Shopping Centre. Not only have I been culturally enhanced, but I feel like a much better person, as if my spiritual being itself has been improved, from that experience alone. I went to Gregg's and the bank, and I felt as if I'd finally found myself!

As far as my flat is concerned, I'm thinking I'll need to move out soon, as doing that commute every day is simply not sustainable. I'll perhaps move to the south side or something, but my plan is to wait until the end of January before looking elsewhere. The reasons for waiting? Well, we've got a new flatmate moving in on January 1st, and so I'd like to see what she's like. Also, the lounge has been moved, giving the flat a "fresh" feel. Finally, before I move out I'd like to watch all the DVDs/videos which I've still to see, from the flat's library. I may never get another chance to see the Godfather trilogy, Platoon, or In Bed With Madonna.

Now for something more interesting... I'd mentioned previously wild mood swings which seemed to be brought on by constant shifting of my body clock. Well, out of curiosity, I decided to record how I felt each day for 20 days. Each day I'd score my general wellbeing out of 10 (with 5 being a feeling of indifference or mediocrity; neither depressed nor feeling particularly inspired. 10 being utter bliss; contented with the world and life in general; a feeling of empathy with every living creature - everyone loves you and you love everyone; a feeling that the world is your oyster and that nothing can take that feeling away; a feeling like you are almost - well, God. 0, on the other hand, I'd probably rather not describe in detail. It's the utter pit of despair, like you don't want to live anymore and are suicidal; the world is a dark, grey place and noone cares about you). Anyway with that in mind, here is the "wellbeing" graph I charted over a 20-day period (the first day being when I started full-time work again, and my sleep pattern had been all over the place):



What's interesting is that initially, my mood changed dramatically from day to day (which was downright scary, by the way). There would be a day of feeling really good; happy and positive (7, for the sake of argument), followed by a day of feeling really down and worthless (2). As the graph shows, my mood gradually stabilised, and lately it's been more consistent. Now this could be for a number of reasons. My body's maybe adjusting to a more regular rhythm, or perhaps I'm more content about having a job and feeling more settled in. Or perhaps I look at myself and think I'm a sad geek for doing things like this? Who knows for sure, but I'm not going to dwell on it. Anyway, maybe it means nothing but I thought it might be cool to do something like this regardless.

In summary, the whole point of this exercise was to record what happened to me during the uncertain times after graduating last year. Nearly 1.5 years later and I feel I've almost found some form of stability and direction in my life and so there's no real need for this blog anymore.

Well that's it for now - best to end this year - and start the new year - on a positive note. Cheery-bye.

p.s. Someone has (almost) copied my blog URL, and after checking it out, you might be better off reading funkyfunky.blogspot.com than this. Those guys seem a bit more "funky".