Routinely Flawed

So, the (hopefully) eagerly anticipated next post... here's an update on what's new (but perhaps not very exciting) with me.

Flat
Still nice. Still expensive. If Carlsberg did property management companies, they would be on a par with Edzell Property Management. I came back one day and they'd tiled the bathroom. I came back another day and they'd installed a shower. It's just like most things in this commercial world - you get what you pay for.

Job
The job doesn't seem as bad as I'd initially perceived it. I'm in Sky Reinstates, which basically involves doing outbound calls to existing/ex Sky TV customers. There are 3 types of call mainly; calling customers who haven't paid a bill and have had their viewing cut off, customers who are due to have their viewing cut off for not paying a bill, and customers who have chosen to cancel of their own accord. The aim is to get payments/make offers to try and bring back/save customers.

The training was 8 days in total (the last 3 days being Mon-Fri last week), and then because of the team I'm in, the shifts started straight away. As it works on a 3-days-on, 3-days-off basis, my shift last week was Thu-Sat. Thur and Fri were 11.5-hr shifts and Sat was a 9-hr shift. This meant that that we were required to work a total of 56 hours last week (including training)! Unfortunately I was unwell for the first couple of days so I could only make it in on Sat (and hence have only done 1 day in the job proper); this meant I got a couple of days break, but I also missed out on a lot of pay! The overtime system is good - you can just turn up without warning and do your overtime. I might do some at some point to compensate for the missed days.

My problem has mainly been that my sleep pattern had shifted again during my brief unemployment period, and my bodyclock had gone nocturnal again. I'm still readjusting, which means I have days of unpleasant tiredness, and can find it hard to get to sleep at night. This to me has been the habit of a lifetime; something which I find hard to control if I've nothing to get out of bed for. I'm still not sure why this happens, but it can be so frustrating! Before I got sacked from Scottish Power, I was into a perfectly normal rhythm, but since getting sacked, and going on holiday, I've gradually lapsed back into staying up late and sleeping till late in the day. I really want to nip this problem in the bud, as it's practically been the bane of my existence!! For example, this morning I'd slept 9-10 hours but still, come 12pm, I still couldn't wake up and just felt so comfy and warm - the feeling was probably akin to the effects of heroin (not that I know about that - I'm just guessing!).

To be honest, I was nervous about starting the job as I didn't feel prepared, but I was buddied up all morning and after my first day I feel a lot more confident. The job will no doubt get very repetitive, but the unusual shift pattern may suit me, and there is a lot of very pretty females to look at in the call centre, which will help to make the job bearable! There is no comparison with Scottish Power here; believe me, there are a lot of babes who work for Sky! Apparently they are going to extend the Reinstate training from 8 days to 16 as they feel 8 isn't enough. We were among the last of the unlucky ones.

The Sky call centre actually has a bad reputation, but that is going by what I've heard from people who worked for customer services. Up on the sales floor, it is less cramped, and so far the people have been nothing but delightful and helpful. Perhaps sales people are generally nicer, but I doubt that's generally the case!

I can't see myself staying at Sky for long, but I'll try for 3 months before moving on. This is because I would then have 6 months' call centre experience in total, and will look good on my CV. To my knowledge we have 2 dropouts from the original training group of 13, but I will personally try to soldier on. Today is my first of 3 days off, so I can relax, but starting on Wednesday, I will have 3 11.5-hour shifts in a row to look forward to - agghh.

Gym
Still been going regularly with my homie (and I don't mean that in a homo-sounding way) Mark. I haven't been able to focus on the exercise very much due to being tired most days lately. I've got a year's membership so might as well give it my all, and who knows, perhaps I might eventually get some results!

I enquired about getting a refund for my Healthland membership with the bank, because I'd heard that some people who'd paid by Visa got one. However, I was told this is because with a credit card you are insured against events such as this, but because I paid mine by cheque, the only way to claim it back is to make a claim through the liquidation company. The who? I don't know. Does anyone else know who the liquidation company is who dealt with Healthland? Answers on a postcard please! Unfortunately I can't ask Healthland as they no longer exist. Oh dear.

Girl
Yep, you guessed it - I'm still single! I was round at a girl called Cat's (friend of Mark's friend) house last night for a few drinks, and then they decided to get a taxi into town. I'd had a long day and felt tired, so decided to go home. I found out later that Cat was interested in me. I wasn't sure at the time, but wouldn't have been much company anyway. She seems like a nice girl. Also, I'm still in contact with a couple of girls from Scottish Power. Basically there's hope for me yet, but all that remains is for me to make an effort! I also wouldn't mind getting to know some of the totty at Sky, as there is plenty of it.

I'm tired of analysing everything and posting it here. Think I'll leave it for a while until something interesting actually happens.

Deeper Into the World of the Call Centre

Following suit from the previous couple of posts, here is an update of what's been happening with moi - complete with overly-dramatic title, and sub-headings.

Flat
The flat's great, as always. The boiler hasn't burnt out and the washing machine hasn't broken, so it could be worse! Still expensive, but still nice.

My flatmate Mark now has a job lined up, starting on Monday. He got it through the same agency as me (Stafffinders) and ironically will be working for Scottish Power - the very company which sacked him - this time, doing outbound sales. He'll be back in Citypoint (Cowcaddens) and is kind of hoping nobody notices he's back again, just in case someone complains that he's already been shown the door. I'm sure it'll be ok. He's been unemployed for a month now and was becoming seriously fed up (especially given his recent financial hardship). Aside from being laid-back about the job search, the main reason he couldn't get a job up until now is because he's still under 18, and most employers only take on staff who are over 18. He comes of age on April 24th, but now he's secured another job it doesn't matter and so I think he's pleased about it.

Given that it's been a bad time for both of us recently, it's a real bonus that we both now have a job. Now we can focus on more important things like arranging the flatwarming party (watch this space).

Job
The job doesn't appear to be as bad as I initially thought. I'll be working for Sky Reinstates, which is like sales, except that you phone previous Sky customers who have been cut off, whether through choice or non-payment of bill, and give them offers in an attempt to keep them on as a customer.

At the moment we're still in training. We were initially told that the training would last 16 days (just over 3 weeks), but then told that it'll be 8 days (a week-and-a-half), so I've another 3 days next week before going live on the phones. The training group is ok; it's very male dominated (12 guys and 1 girl), but everyone seems to get along fine. The training itself is undemanding, and involves training on the Sky TV packages, and on use of the computer system (an old DOS-based system, which ironically I find is a lot better than the GTX one we used at Scottish Power). Overall it's pretty boring, but we get paid for it so fair enough. Once we go live, the group will be distributed over different teams, so perhaps there might actually be some females in my team? My fingers are crossed.

My shift pattern is a bit unusual, as I'll be working a 3-days-on, 3-days-off rota indefinitely, which is different from anything I'm used to. The shifts are 11 hours on weekdays and 9 hours on weekends. It might suit me more, I just won't know until I start. This entails that the number of hours worked each week will vary, but I reckon it will average out at about 36-37 hours a week. The pay is £6 hourly, which is the same as what I got at Scottish Power. What I'm not looking forward to is that given that I do 3 days of training next week and then go straight onto the shift pattern, I'll be working about 56 hours next week, which doesn't sound nice.

It's based in Ibrox, so I'm actually working for RHL, not directly through Sky. On the first day, I was dreading it, as I thought it would be purely sales-based, and when I arrived for the induction, I saw it was mainly guys and was seriously thinking of walking away. So far though I reckon the job doesn't look too bad, and will give it my best shot, and try to stay for around 2-3 months before looking elsewhere. The shift pattern might well suit me better, and I'm glad just to get some kind of employment for the moment. I really hate job-hunting - it's so much more difficult when you're unemployed! Anyway, only time will tell.

Gym
I started going to the gym this week, and have been 3 times already. I eventually want to improve my physique and general fitness, but these things don't happen overnight. It's good because me and Mark have joined the same gym, Fitness First, and we can go at the same time, which I find is a lot better than going yourself. It's just round the corner from the flat, for extra convenience. It's a very good gym, and the membership wasn't very expensive, so I can't complain really.

Girl
No such luck just yet, but since my last post all I've really done is training at Sky and going to the gym. Given that my training group is 92% male, I'm not holding out any hopes of meeting the girl of my dreams during training! The gym has been generally quiet but there has been some totty on show.

So generally I'll be trying to get into the routine of working and going to the gym regularly. The past week has been exhausting, given that I'm readjusting to getting up early (something which I always find difficult at first) and also trying to get into the habit of going to the gym. Should be going out tonight to the Arches to see the Happy Mondays with Suzi and possibly my flatmate, as I've got free passes, so hopefully should be fun.

Operation "Get A Life" - Attempt 2

In a sense I'm back to square 1 now, with regards to establishing a "life". For some reason I'm not too sure of now, I spent several months after finishing university, living back at my parents' and doing very little with my life. This eventually prompted a move back to the city and me getting my first proper job, and also going with a girl for a while. However as explained in the last post, this all went a bit pear-shaped.

At the moment I'm living in a nice flat, I've got another gym membership, and I've got a job lined up. I've no longer got a girlfriend but hope to remedy that soon. You may think from all my ranting that I believe these 4 things are the be-all and end-all - this isn't true - it's just that these are the things I feel I need in order to establish a happy lifestyle (well certainly the job and home are fundamental to most people).

I start the job tomorrow, and to be honest I'm dreading it - sales? Oh god no. However I'll get paid the same as when at Scottish Power, and if I can keep it for a couple of weeks then I'll be doing well. I might even make some new friends. I intend to stick at it for a month if possible then look for something better. If it was anything other than sales I'd be excited about it.

I'm going to make a point of going to the gym regularly and establish some sort of fitness/healthy eating regime, as at the moment I feel worn out and lethargic. I'll continue to live in the flat (provided I can still afford it) and hopefully the girlfriend will appear at some point.

At the moment it's a bad time for me but I aim to try and improve things. Watch this space for regular updates.

Self-Destructive Downward Spiral

Let's reflect on the past few months... now let's see - I had it all at one point - flat, job, girlfriend, gym membership. I was king of the world!! Well, relative to now anyway. So what happened?

Goodbye Gym
Shortly after I joined Healthland in November, it went bust and closed down (just before New Year). Apparently it was the third time it's happened and perhaps they were giving away too many cheap memberships to the likes of me! Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, it couldn't be helped. Surprising too, as it was always so busy. This was bad timing as I had a fitness plan drawn up, due to start in the new year :( However, up until then I did get a lot of use out of the equipment, especially the treadmills. At one point I did feel quite fit and on top of the world.

Apparently I may be able to claim a refund of my membership fee through the bank.

Goodbye Flat
I've explained earlier what happened here (regarding the Lawrence St flat). Initially the flat was very appealing but conflicting lifestyles and the boiler breaking down put paid to my stay there. It all started to go wrong when I got the job. I got lucky with my new place though so that's a plus.

Goodbye Girl
This is the big one - the most critical loss for me. At first Gillian was very keen indeed on me, and I liked her a lot, but I think she was gradually put off. There was always the Ayr-Glasgow distance thing which made it awkward to see each other regularly, but that shouldn't have been an issue if other aspects had worked out. In total I only saw her about 9 times, each for a couple of hours, and we never really got to know each other. We went to the cinema a couple of times, and to the pub a couple of times, which for the most part were great occasions in themselves as it was so good to see her. Most of these times there were friends present and/or it was a public place, so there really was hardly any opportunities when it was just us alone. What made it more awkward was that she lives with her parents and they don't let her have guys in the house! She was at my flat a couple of times and I went to hers when her parents were away, which provided a better opportunity to get up close and personal, but it just wasn't enough!

I reckon the pivotal point in the relationship came one night when I went down to see her in Ayr after going with some workmates to the pub. The night was going great (despite ending up in Club de Mar), and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. At one point I starting smoking cigarettes, and thereafter she refused to kiss me, as she hates smoking. I stupidly went in a huff (I was very drunk), and when we left, we weren't really talking. I asked her "do you think this is going to work out?" And once that the doubt was there, it was downhill from then on. To make matters worse, I starting shouting "I f**king hate Ayr", as I really was in a state at that point. On reflection, I really screwed it up that night. Previously she thought I was the best boyfriend since sliced bread. She later made it clear that she hated Glasgow and was reluctant to travel up and down.

At first, it was easy to talk to her, as we were going through the motions of getting to know each other. Eventually, though, conversation bacame more awkward, and I'm not sure if we had a lot in common. I'll never know though, and I suspect that it was largely my fault, because most times I saw her I was either tired (struggling with altered sleep pattern) or generally not in the mood (hungover and/or body missing the gym routine). Stopping the regular exercise may have been an issue as I did gradually become more lethargic and probably a lot less fun to be with than at first.

My new job may have had a detrimental effect also; as well as arranging dates with her whilst also trying to adjust to early mornings, there was also the regular trips to the pub with workmates, which detracted from what should have been my priority - Gillian. New Year was good also, as she stayed at my flat, with one thing in mind, but unfortunately I was so drunk I couldn't "do the business" - this must have been so offputting for her (that and my breath would have reeked of tobacco).

Eventually the killer blow came in the form of a text message which read something like "I don't think we should see each other any more. You're a really nice guy but deserve better. We've got nothing in common. You hate Ayr, I hate Glasgow - sorry." 2 days of deep, dark depression later, I was trying to work out what happened. The reasons she gave for it not working out weren't convincing enough, and I was sure it was more deep-rooted - hence the previous rant. I did text her back and eventually she said she would see me again, which was a bit of a relief. Nothing much really happened after that. She came up to Lawrence St once as she was wanting me to show her where Hunter Hall was (Glasgow Uni), as there was some open day thing for social work training courses. We chatted, but in a friendly sort of way. We were texting each other every day, but circumstances (e.g. holidays, moving job/flat) prevented us from seeing each other again. Eventually I found out that her friend had committed suicide. She told me this, then shortly after, I went to Amsterdam, and never heard from her again. I've texted her a few times but got no reply. I don't know how she's doing or nothing - it's frustrating to say the least.

So after a few months, what could've been a good relationship came to an end. When I didn't hear back from her I was devastated. I really like her, and I think it's hit me harder as it was my first seriousish relationship. I'll maybe see her again but it looks doubtful.

To this day I'm not too sure what happened but I think it was not seeing each other enough and hence not really getting to know each other which caused the relationship to fail. I'm still very upset about it, but there's nothing I can do about it now. I reckon if I'd made more effort and been more attentive and assertive, it might've worked.

Goodbye Job
I explained in the previous post what happened here. Had I not been late, there would have been no excuse to sack me, whether personal issues came into it or not. I may have been able to help prevent Mark's sacking too, as I could have advised him to be more sensible. Although he doesn't make it obvious, I think he looks up to me to set an example, being 5 years older. The critical latenesses towards the end were probably mainly down to being too fond of an alcoholic tipple the night before work and going to bed too late. This could have been prevented.

Summary
When analysing what went wrong, the impression I get is that too much was happening to me too soon, and I simply couldn't sustain all these things together (down to lack of experience). It was this inability to give my full concentration to each separate aspect which led to my downfall. The gym thing couldn't be helped but that may well have been the beginning of the end. If I devoted all my effort to the relationship it may well have worked. If I'd concentrated on the flat, I could've prevented the boiler from breaking by stopping it from running out of gas (not just my fault though). I could've been more friendly with my flatmates and hence made living there a more pleasant experience. I could've made sure I was never late for work, and even kept my manager sweet so as she would be reluctant to sack me if the opportunity did arise. Constant fluctuation in circumstances combined with a self-destructive nature meant I went from an extreme high to an extreme low in the space of a few months.

By self-destructive, I effectively mean I have a highly addictive personality. I've got too much of a hedonistic approach and lack of self-disipline, and tend to burn myself out (e.g. through excessive drinking or sleeping), which has severe after-effects on my life. I seem to struggle to "multitask" and manage different aspects of my life and only seem to do well when focussing on one thing at a time. If this is true, then it's what's cost me these fundamental things in my life (especially the girlfriend), but I suppose it's all part of the learning process. I see those self-destructive aspects in Mark as well, and living with someone who is like that also can only be a bad thing, as you just encourage each other, and end up messing things up. Given that he's still at school age it doesn't help matters! A good flatmate all the same.

Oh well, better luck next time. Here's hoping...