Halloween Is Upon Us

I've discovered the probable reason that this time of year seems to the annual low-point for me - it's almost Halloween!



I'm confronted with my inner demons.

Agh.

Reflection/Rejection/Infection

I was thinking, this all feels familiar. I was then prompted to check my blog entries from this time last year, and, lo and behold, I was going through exactly the same thing, with the unemployment, moaning etc...

Firstly, there was the ESE/CS get-together at Waxy O'Connor's, followed by the party - this too happened last year. It's worth noting that I saw the guy in the picture (the one in the middle) being interviewed when I was recently in an employment agency - almost to the same day in October as when I met him this time last year! I'm sure there's a pattern here!

I also attended what was my first ever formal interview, at the NTL call centre in Bellshill. I was, of course, unsuccessful!

To be honest, I'm feeling at an all-time low just now (the lowest I've felt this year I think). I don't think it's anything to do with S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder), as I'm not prone to that - I'm sure it's once again down to being unemployed and having so much time to feel sorry for myself. Around this time last year (almost exactly to the day), I was also at my lowest point (and I'm sure this also had something to do with the rejection).

Also, I wasn't sure what to do career-wise, and was faced with a dilemma of sorts.

So, I seem to be back to square one. What have I learned in a year?...

Working in call centres is shit.

...it's a shame it took me a year to realise that, but better now than never! Actually, a shitload of other stuff has happened (both good and bad), but it's mainly been an extreme learning experience for me, as opposed to making any real progress in life. Over the coming year, I really hope to change that, and hope to become successful and of course happy with the way things are.

In fact, I now feel I'd like to try and start a career in software/IT - I'd previously thought that there wasn't much of an industry in Scotland (Glasgow in particular), but in a presentation I attended the other day, the guy said that the IT industry in Scotland is very healthy and is expanding significantly. That left me feeling optimistic about a career in IT, and given recent events I now feel more focussed about where I want to go next. In fact, I enjoyed many aspects of programming (when at uni); creating systems, coming up with solutions, debugging and fixing things - very satisfying. In fact I miss using my brain and having to think about things - maybe that's why I'm so depressed! As a job I would probably enjoy it and anything must be good compared to a call centre! On top of the challenge there's also the pay, and the opportunities for progression are excellent. It's just taken me this long to realise. In truth, I'll probably be one of those people who leave their run-of-the-mill job after a couple of years to go backpacking and "find myself", but at the moment I can think of a lot worse in terms of jobs. I guess I'm just a geek who's been in denial! Did anyone see that Star Trek episode where.....

P.s. this is probably irrelevant anyway, as avian flu might kill us all.

Honest, I didn't mean that - I'm not feeling that negative. There is hope.

I've Got (Unintelligible) Mail

When checking my email inbox, I found an email, the contents of which read:

nbr aslýcýk ben merve uðurcan napýyosun suan ben netteyým cvp at beklýyorum yený actým buadresi

I suspect it to be fanmail of some kind but the sender probably doesn't realise I don't understand lithuanian (or whatever language it is). If anyone can translate it then drop me a line and let me know what it says.

Sign On You Crazy Diamond (Part 2)

Today I ventured to that worldly wonder that is the Maryhill Job Centre. I've got an interview tomorrow and need to fill out the usual forms, which should take only a few hours!

At the moment I seem to be going through a rerun of what I did this time last year; went to Ibiza, came back, moved into new flat, signed on, looked for job. I just hope that what follows is a bit more prosperous than last year.

Take it from me, unemployment sucks.

Interviews

Guess what? I'm still unemployed! Guess what else? My bank balance is very nearly zero. Unfortunately I didn't get the job with Barclays - I'm not sure I really wanted it anyway. My agency said they gave feedback: "likeable guy, good answers, but answers not in-depth enough" - fair enough. It probably didn't help that I was honest with them about quitting my last job. I haven't heard back from the property insurance company but should have a decision by Monday. I'm just fresh from attempting my 2nd interview at 3... my agency, Search, informed me about the outcome of Barclays and that there were opportunities at 3 and also Abbey, and would I like to be put forward for interviews. I told them yes, and didn't mention that I'd been knocked back already! I thought, what the hell, nothing at all to lose, and chances are they might not recognise me and I might be able to "slip through the net". So I got up around 9am (unheard of for me on a Saturday), and went in for the assessment centre. Shortly after starting to fill out my application form (again), a lady came through and said "Duncan, can I have a word?" I went through and she'd sussed out that I'd already been for the interview and been rejected. I told her I'd tried to "slip through the net", and we had a laugh about it. I thanked her for spotting me before I completed the form and then left the building.

It's worth a mention that out of all the employment agencies I've registered with so far, Search (Glasgow) have been the most helpful; they genuinely seem to care about finding you a job. If you know anyone looking for work then give them a try.

So that's that... my next steps over the next few days will be to sign on, register with more agencies, and go for more interviews, because like I say, I'm not too fussy now and will take anything (within reason). In the meantime I've also sent my CV off for software/IT jobs I saw on S1.

Amidst all this misery and despair of being knocked back for call centre jobs, two more positive opportunities have arisen; the first is that there is a software company looking to train up people from scratch, and I gather that they give you a month's trial and if you're good enough they will offer you a permanent contract. There is a presentation on Tuesday followed by a brief one-to-one interview. The second is that I've got an interview with Graham Technology on Tuesday Nov 1st. I'd be keen on that but the only problem is how to commute there without my own transport. Two options would be bus to Erskine and then walk over some fields, or alternatively, enquire about a lift from my old ESE comrade, C.G.R, who works there.

Changing the subject, I called Edzell re the deposit for my old (penthouse) flat. The guy said they were still waiting for a bill from the plasterer before they can deduct the amount and also (more annoyingly) he only just mentioned that before they can issue me with the cheque they need to see proof of the bills (council tax & gas & elec) having being paid! This normally wouldn't be an issue but I've paid off my half and the final bills have now been forwarded to Shagger to pay his half. Basically this means I've got to chase up Shagger to pay his bills before I get my deposit back!! I'm pissed off too because the guy should have mentioned that in the first place. On the positive, Edzell reassured me that the cheque will be sent only to me, but I'm wondering whether I'll ever get to see it. It's a shame because I could really use the money.

Well, I just hope for my sake I figure out something soon. I've got an overdraft as backup but don't want to eat too much into it.

Cheerio.

Only God Can Help Me Now

I need a miracle! I'm still jobless. As a consequence I'm struggling to maintain a regular daily routine. My bank balance is tending to zero. I'm currently prone to mood swings as well. For example, when I got the 3 interview I was delighted. After the (poor quality) interview, I was gutted. I went to Search Consultancy the other day, and the girls there were delightful, preparing and pampering me for an interview at Barclays. I was elated and full of confidence afterwards. I went to TDL Recruitment yesterday to register. The guy told me there was vacancies answering phones for a furniture company. He discussed my CV with me, then said he'd call back to arrange an interview with them for 6.30pm. He never called. As a result I felt dejected and useless. I had the Barclays interview today and it went ok (not great but ok). I should hear back later today.

What scares me is that given my state of mind right now, my mood is so vulnerable to changing, based on the slightest bit of good news/bad news. The only thing to sort me out is a successful job application, or a miracle.

There's also the hangover from living in the penthouse. Not an actual hangover, but the repercussions in the form of outstanding bills and the deposit I'm still waiting to receive. Shagger never paid his half of the bills and they're jointly in both our names, so it means it would affect my credit rating. I know he's split up with Mary, is currently jobless too and moved back with his parents. What I can do is forward the bills to that address, but I'm not sure the house number (19? 20?). That in itself is frustrating. I could ask him but as soon as mention the words "bills" or "arrears", I won't hear back from him.

Anyway, I've got another interview at 2pm today, so I'm hoping it'll go ok. It's a telephony role in a property management company. You might wonder why I'm not going for a software/IT job now, and the reason is that I need something pronto, and it's far harder to get those sort of jobs.

Just don't mention the war (or that incredibly dull race for Tory leadership - agghhh).

We Like Play (But Not Duncan Fisher)

The title is a reference to 3, the mobile network company, to which I went for an intereview the other day. It was the first interview I had, and it was arranged through an agency (Hudson). The job sounded ok; it was again inbound customer service, but they were paying £14k a year, as opposed to the normal £11/12k for such a job.

I went firstly to the agency to register, then was told to come back later (at 4pm). When i came back, there was myself and 3 others. We were then told there would be a formal interview and a "role-play". It all seemed a lot for the same day - normally the interview is scheduled a few days later. We were sent to the 3 headquarters, where much sitting about was done and the interview and role-play took place. The interviewer was very probing and asked a lot of questions, some of which I couldn't give a very good answer. I really fecked up the role-play as well. I didn't hear back.

I was quite keen on the job as well, because it would be working for a company in which I had some interest, and the role itself appeared far more varied then my previous customer service jobs. I had to chase up the agency to confirm I hadn't got it and I was quite disappointed. I know, it's another customer service job, but I need something just now to tide me over, and it was starting last Monday!

On Saturday there was a get-together at Waxy O'Connor's, featuring an ensemble of guys (and only guys) that did CS, and of course, ESE, at Glasgow Uni. It was good to see the old class of 2004. I also "crashed" a party with Iain (at least that's what it felt like) afterwards. Iain knew the girl in question from when in South Africa, but it was one of those segregated affairs where there's people in the kitchen, and people in another room, and barely any mingling whatsoever.
Party Rating 0.05/5 (actually it wasn't that bad).

Onto more important things, here is an update on my "unemployment viewing" (the theme being "antics" - crap idea i know)...

Twin Town: Black comedy set in Swansea, about the antics of the locals, in particular a couple of dope-smoking, car-stealing twins. Overall, entertaining.
Rating 3/5.

Withnail & I: Comedy about the antics of a pair of unemployed actors living in London who go for a weekend away in the country to Withnail's uncles cottage. Very funny and clever.
Rating 4/5.

Oh come on, if Jonathan Ross can do it, so can I!!

Unemployment Viewing Continued...

Since the last post, I've seen a couple more films from the flats "video library" recently. The theme here is "self-destructive rock stars"...

Sid & Nancy: The story of Sid Vicious' (Sex Pistols bassist) descent into heroin abuse after falling for Nancy Spungen, a groupie, who is also a junkie. Not bad. Got a bit grim towards the end as the heroin addiction took hold of the couple.
Rating 3/5.

The Doors: Story of The Doors' rise to success and Jim Morrison's descent into drug and alcohol abuse. This film is primarily about Jim Morrison, and is very well made, with Val Kilmer's performance (as Morrison) top-notch. Oliver Stone directs.
Rating 4/5

I've got this daft theory, that perhaps all the films in the video library can be linked (by which actors/actresses they have in common), to form a chain. Once linked, this chain will represent something, e.g. perhaps the first letter of each title, when spelled out, will make up a "magic phrase".

Or perhaps not, and maybe unemployment is driving me mad.

I'll give it a go anyway.

The Beginning of the End...?

Well, this is it... I've got a small amount of money left in my bank, but I'm expecting a return of the deposit from my old flat, along with unused holiday credit in a lump sum from my agency. If I run out of cash, I've always got an overdraft as backup, but hopefully it won't come to that. My income at the moment is zero, and will remain so until I get a job.

I suppose I could sign on, but I just can't be bothered with the paperwork etc. I'm hoping I can find a job before the need arises. I can't really be bothered with anything right now, as like I said my stubborn bodyclock is in full control and prefers a nightly service! I was told by Suzi that I couldn't sign on anyway for at least 6 weeks as I resigned but officially it looks as if I'll get the sack first as I didn't tell them I've resigned (officially).

Basically, if I don't get a job within the next few weeks then I'll probably have to declare myself bankrupt. I really don't want to move out the flat though as this flat is the best so far overall (in terms of quality, price, location etc). I really can't be bothered moving again as it's just so much hassle. All I've been searching for is a flat I can say I'm content to live in for the forseeable future. I've moved - wait for it - 7 times in the past 3 years! I just want to settle!!

I'm still certain I made the right decision quitting goldfish; those long shifts, listening to mainly English snobs (complete with double-barrelled names and house names-not-numbers) moaning and sighing constantly, was taking away my will to live. I needed the holiday as well. If I didn't have the financial backup then I guess I wouldn't've had the choice.

Unemployment's not so good either. Without a motivation or purpose to get out of bed, I just can't seem to get up and discipline myself. A mass job search is not exactly something to look forward to but it is a necessary evil! Basically I'll take anything just now, so long as it's regular hours and at least £12k a year. I can see the future... it's... another call centre! :(

My long term goals? Get into a decent (probably degree-related) job, stay in the flat and hopefully meet a nice ladyfriend - pretty generic goals, but if I can do that over the next year or so, then I can perhaps take things from there on.

Lastly, an update on my "unemployment viewing"...

Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas: Wierd, psychedelic trip film, set in Las Vegas. Entertaining and colourful. Johnny Depp stars.
Rating: 3/5 (partly because the video quality was poor and I couldn't hear half the dialogue)

See, I can't even be bothered to write a proper film review...!

Caught In the Twilight Zone

Since coming back from holiday, I've reverted back to a nocturnal sleeping pattern, and I really don't seem to have much control over it! The past few days, no matter how early I go to bed, my body just can't seem to sleep until about 4.30am, and I can't seem to fully wake until about 2.30pm!! This is bad, as I should be getting up early to search for jobs all day, but that incentive alone doesn't seem to be enough. I'd set my alarm for 9am, and it went off, but my initial response was to hit the snooze button. As it went off subsequently, I just kept hitting snooze and eventually just switched it off then went back to sleep! You might think that if I was awake, then why couldn't I just get up? It's not as simple as that - I was barely awake, still essentially in a dream. My mind just doesn't seem to register and my body seems to act based on the instinct "I need more sleep!". This is very bad, as I'm just making it harder for myself. I'm generally not a lazy person and I hate lying about doing nothing. It's just that once I'm in this rut, I find it hard to get out!!

On the subject of dreams, I've had a few strange ones lately; one was where I'd invited Pink Floyd round to my party and it was a great laugh - they even let me sing "Wish You Were Here". Last night, I dreamed that I was mugged by neds in a car park (probably brought on by watching "Scum" last night and also the Channel 5 documentary "MacIntyres Toughest Towns", about neds and gang warfare in Glasgow!)

On a lighter note, I've watched a couple of good films recently...

Love, Honour & Obey: This is about rival gangs in London, and seems like basically an excuse to throw together some big name British actors together into the one film. I expected it to be pants, but it is actually very entertaining stuff.
Rating: 3.5/5

Scum: This is set in a young offenders institute in the '70s, and is a very brutal, disturbing film. However, the acting is top-notch and it's very convincing - one of those ones where you forget you're watching a film. Not for the faint of heart.
Rating: 4.5/5

Both of these films star Ray Winstone, whom is a very talented actor, as I've recently discovered. I saw the film "Sexy Beast" (starring R.W.) recently, on TV (although it's also in the flat's video/DVD library), and it was very good indeed.

I also purchased the new Franz Ferdinand album, and I'm not disappointed - there are a hell of a lot of good songs on it, and I'm well impressed with it.

That's it. I'm bored... oh hold on, I'm meant to be applying for jobs....

Ahh Sweet Unemployment

Here's an update...

Bye Bye Penthouse
Well I've finally moved out of the penthouse in Govanhill. It was sad, especially standing in the empty place, once all the stuff had been moved out. I'll miss the sound of neds fighting, breaking glass, screams, bangra music and the pungent smell of curry/buckfast in the air. Sigh.

I'm pleased for Shagger though, as shortly before the lease ended, he met a girl, a blonde air hostess called Mary. He's now shacked up with her for a couple of weeks, and apparently his uncle knows a guy who can get him another flat. I'm happy for him, to be honest, as things have worked out ok.

However, I'm still waiting to hear back form Edzell about my deposit. They took Shagger's half to pay off the last rent and I'm due a cheque for the rest (£280 minus about £40 for the damage - we were let off lightly I think!). I could use the money - I'll soon explain why.

Ibiza
After moving out of my old place, I stayed with Suzi's brother Joe for 3 nights - in his cupboard! Then, me and Suzi jetted off to Ibiza. I really needed the holiday and it was a good week. Not wonderful but still good fun. We went to Space (not nearly as good as the previous couple of years) and Pacha (phenomenal). I was very wary of buying rounds of drinks in these big clubs, as a bottle of beer can cost about 8 euros and a double vodka & Red Bull 15 euros (£10!!). We did however go to the cheap & not-so-cheerful West End in San Antonio (where we were staying); the first night we each got a bucket (almost) of vodka & Red Bull on the house as Suzi's pal Yvonne works in the bar. The 2 nights in the West End we got absolutely blitzed. As it was the end of the season, there were hardly any neds, but apparently it gets really wild during peak season.

You might think me going on holiday with a girl on her own there might be some romantic involvement, but Suzi and I are just friends (more through her choice than mine!).

The other thing worth noting is that I think I got mild sunstroke; I didn't apply sun cream to my legs and ended up getting burned. Thereafter I felt really hot and flustered all over. There then came a stage when my body freezed over for a while. I think this was to counter the overheating. Fortunately it wasn't serious and I was still able to go out and get plastered.

Since we came back, neither of us have been very well. I still feel as if I have a cold and apparently Suzi is unwell :(

The Triangle is Now Complete
I've now moved into my new flat, a spacious yet cosy place in the heart of the snobby west end. It's a really decent place, with all mod cons, including a large living room with home cinema with surround sound. The rent includes communal stuff like cleaning products, bin bags, milk etc, and a cleaner cleans all the communal areas once a week. There is no lease, and all you or the landlord need is a month's notice for moving out. The landlord himself seems a decent guy. He lived in the flat for 10 years, and obviously cares about the place, which makes such a big difference. I'm sharing with 3 other guys: a doctor, a guy with his own business and another guy who is trying to get work offshore on the rigs. The landlord himself has his own business and uses one of the large rooms as an office. This is handy if you've any queries as he's just next door.

This flat is like the anti-penthouse, the complete opposite; quiet, dark, with mature, laid-back flatmates. I'm now the youngest in the flat, as opposed to in the brightly-lit penthouse, with young Shagger, who could be quite loud and in-your-face! This new place is exactly what I was looking for. It's almost as if someone had read my mind and made my ideal flat reality! Another thing worth mentioning is that if you pinpoint this place on the map along with my previous 2 student flats (round the corner), and join them up, they form an equilateral triangle. Bizarre, and probably not actually significant, but still worthy of a mention. Once I can be bothered, I'll post a map image to prove it!

And Now the Bad News...
The downside to all this is that I'm now effectively unemployed. As my holiday requests for Ibiza were declined, I just took them off anyway, with the intention of phoning in sick from abroad. However, I then decided simply not to go back, as I couldn't take any more of those 12-hour shifts. You might say I'm stupid, but I just couldn't go back there (for a huge number of reasons). I've only just emailed my supervisor to say I'm resigning and I think by now if I wanted to go back they wouldn't let me. I'll see what he says.

Basically I'm unemployed now, and am in the process of sending CVs everywhere in the hope of getting another job soon (with more regular hours). It's essentially a race against time - find another job before my money runs out. Wish me luck as I'll need it.

In the meantime there are a lot of DVDs/videos in the flat I have yet to see, so I won't be completely fed up. If i'm stuck there's always the botanics with a bottle of White Lighning...